Forgiving God

Beloved, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for one’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

 James 1:19–20

I’ve been pretty cranky lately. Scientifically the Keto diet mimics the state of fasting where your body turns to burning fat instead of carbs. Who would want to always have that 24 hr fasting high all the time? A crazy person. Or maybe a sane person who had no pre-existent conflict, grief or pressure in their life.

Life is hard. Trying to change your eating habits while life is hard sucks. It sucks.

So, I eat one of Robbie’s 2 carb chocolates or my 5 carb nut mix or steak or ribs and try to re-create “comfort food”. Here’s the catch: Food has never brought lasting comfort, and true satisfaction in food, only opens the door for gratitude, it doesn’t get you there. 

My challenge is that my anger stage of grief is finally stepping up to the plate. 

I am not doubting God's power. I am angry at the use of that power. How am I supposed to trust what I can’t see, when God has already let me fall so hard? And (to borrow a phrase from "Rising Strong") this is "the story I’m making up": God was watching my baby suffer and let him die. God said, His life isn’t worth saving. Then I had to bear the physical and emotional ramifications of that decition. This is the story I’m making up, but it feels like real truth and I can’t get past it. 

So, today I decided to write a new chapter. I know scientifically and theologically that withholding forgiveness only hurts the offended. But who do you forgive when really no one is to blame? Way back to days after Bob’s death, I remember praying, saying I don’t know where to aim my anger because I don’t know who or what to blame. “Blame me,” Jesus said. “I can take it. I did take it. I suffered the punishment for this and every other horrible act on that cross. Let go of your anger and unleash it at me.” 

I have been incredibly “slow to anger”, until we started this new diet and suddenly all of the physical and mental challenges improved in my life to the point that only one struggle remained: why is God withholding a child from two people who would love and teach and nurture with such passion and mercy, with God’s image as their goal!?!

I am losing weight. I look great. So many awesome things are happening in our life, and yet the sadness and the anger remained.

So, this morning I decided to do the scientific and Christian thing, I am going to forgive God. God doesn’t need it, but I do.

This is how I can move to the next chapter, by first writing a chapter of forgiveness. Jesus, you said you want the blame, now I will do what is required of me: I will show you mercy and forgive you as you have forgiven me. 

Now I can face the day with joy. Alleluia, Amen.

Expedition Keto

Nourishment in the Flint Hills

I’ve always blogged about my experience on new adventures and our current adventure is food. I am not a nutritionist. I am not a chef. My friends will tell you I make great chocolate chip cookies, but my cooking is pretty average…and sometimes disastrous…kale pesto with flax seed was probably my worst experiment…trust me, it sounds like a great idea, but it will kill your blender.  

Everything I am eating on our version of the Keto diet is beautiful and delicious. When I look at my food, I typically respond, “Wow! I get to eat this and lose weight!” Even when I eat foods that have fiber like black or kidney beans, I limit myself to a number which fits within my daily average of 50-60 grams of carbohydrates.  Then I remind myself that the fiber his helping keep down my cholesterol and I get even more excited.

So far, Keto has made me a better cook and a more thankful eater.  I finish each meal satisfied and nourished. Eating has been a source of anxiety for me, ever since I started getting anxious about everything as a teenager.  More anxiety tends to exacerbate stomach problems, so I tended to “follow my gut” a lot and try to eat what my body seemed to be craving. I totally believed that helped, until now. Since, I’m choosing not to eat starchy and grainy meals, my blood sugar levels stay more stable and I have less “hangry” moments.  When I do reach that crazy hunger moment, I choose not to eat the first thing that comes to mind, and I end up making better choices about what foods to eat. My healthier snacks also keep me satisfied for a longer period of time.

You’ve already heard about my magic beans, but really, our saving grace on this diet has been our chicken pizza. I have literally had dreams about doughnuts and bagels, and when I start to fold, I find a new recipe and my thankful heart forgets about those cravings.  This recipe came from a combination of blogs I read, and I’m happy to say, you don’t have to be on the Keto diet to enjoy this meal! So give it a try and give thanks for the beauty of the food in front of you!

Chicken Cheddar Pizza Crust

Crust

1 lb Ground Chicken

1 Egg

1/2 cup cheddar cheese

1/2 cup parmesan cheese

1 tbs Oregano

Salt, Pepper and Garlic

Mix the crust ingredients and spread the mixture out like a pizza crust into a pan. Another blogger recommended using plastic wrap to spread the dough and that makes all the difference! Try it!

Bake at 400 for 10-15 minutes or until golden brown.

Then take out the crust and top it like you would any pizza! We use crushed tomatoes, mozzarella and ground sausage. Then bake for another 10-15 minutes. If you like basil or spinach, we’ve found it works well to put that on at the end.

Other recipes suggest mozzarella instead of cheddar, but we like the way the cheddar makes the crust crispy.

Magic Beans

Ok, so they aren’t really beans, but they do seem kind of magical.  My husband, Robbie, and I started a low carb diet a month ago, and I’m feeling so fantastic that I don’t even care that I haven’t had Dr. Pepper, bread or wheat pizza in four weeks.

Chocolate, I eat in small quantities. Sweet Potato fries taste as amazing as french fries. Diet Dr. Pepper really does taste more like Regular Dr. Pepper every day.  We are savoring my pizza dough made from ground up chicken and cheese and covered with ground up sausage and more cheese and crushed tomatoes.

Carb filled food still looks yummy, but then I reach into my pocket and take out my magic beans, and I am reminded how delicious our new diet turns out to be.

Who else gets to enjoy steak, bacon, eggs, cheese, sausage and heavy whipping cream on a diet!?!

We’ve been taking lessons from Adkins, Keto and other diets, and I’m aiming for around 60 carbs a day, consistently loosing weight and feeling awesome. The first couple of weeks made me very sleepy, but it turns out that this is very typical.

To fight the midmorning and afternoon cravings, I created some nut mixes that turn out to be around 5 carbs, giving me a burst of energy while stopping me from eating whatever is in our break room.

I LOVE my little baggies of magic beans so much that I wanted to share them with you!

Pistachios and Black Walnuts look expensive when you see the bag in the store, but when 1tbsp is a serving, the bag goes much further than the health bars I used to buy. And these snack bags are much more satisfying! 

No matter your diet or eating habits, these recipes will be a treat for the whole family!

Pistalmonds 

12 low sodium almonds (1 heaping tablespoon)

12 dark chocolate almonds (1 heaping tablespoon)

1tbs pistachio kernels 

Walnutty 

1 tbsp Black Walnuts

1 heaping tbsp Coconut Almonds

1 heaping tbsp Chocolate Almonds